And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
