I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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