I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
