great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
cat food counts as protein by the way
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
