I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize