Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
