So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize