New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she peed on how many people?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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