There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize