i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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