I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
