The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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