i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm both gender and math confused
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