I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
