i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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