There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
