That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
