Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
