I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
