I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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