9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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