yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize