Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Blood and glitter go together right?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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