Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
