i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm like, not good at living.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
