Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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