I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
