My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Enjoy the penises
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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