We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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