You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
