i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize