that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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