this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
