Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
