Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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