sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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