i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
