Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize