somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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