She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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