Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
