the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize