Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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