some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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