I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
