We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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