Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i love accidental penises.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
