Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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