She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
