brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
