You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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