Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
All I want is dick and wine.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
