6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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