It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
