HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He did a backflip because drugs
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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