non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
