I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
