I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I don't deserve a penis
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
