i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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