I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
