my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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