I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
