I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
