I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
