we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
