if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
