why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
