She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
