The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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