Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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