the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
